For years, my friends have always called me the “Mom” of the friend group. When we were younger going out all the time and partying our lives away, I was always the one figuring out the cab situation, helping my friend hold her hair back while she yacked, or wiping away a stranger’s tears in the bathroom telling her: “he doesn’t deserve you.” I was always trying to make sure everyone was okay and everything was taken care of. Now that we’re all adults and we don’t party (as hard), they refer to me as the “Grandma” of my friend group. I can’t lie, sometimes I feel like an 80-year-old trapped in a 24-year-old’s body, but, that doesn’t mean Granny can’t get her groove on (oh my God, I am an 80-year-old).
1. Staying in on a Friday night sounds 10x more appealing than going out.
When someone texts you to go out on a Friday night after a long week of work, you can’t help but feel that staying on your couch with a bottle of wine and a good movie (or all of the episodes of your show you need to catch up on) sounds so much better. You don’t want to have to find an outfit, get ready, figure out how you’re getting there, figure out how you’re getting back and deal with a horrible hangover the next day. You’d rather stay in your underwear and make microwave popcorn because it just is so much better.
2. And, when you do go out, it takes you days to recover from your drinking.
You take days, I mean days to get over a hangover. You feel like you’re not yourself again for at least 3-4 days and when you wake up the next morning, holy sh*t do you need Gatorade. Or water. Or an IV.
3. You also prepare yourself.
Whenever I go out drinking, my drunk Grandma-self always remembers to get a Gatorade or water bottle on the way home from the bar or the club. When I wake up the next morning, I roll over to a giant, beautiful, glowing bottle of happiness and purity. Next to it? Two Advil. Always, always prepared.
4. Your friends always come to you for advice.
For some reason, you are chock-full of worldly advice to dish out to your friends. Even if you’re the same age – or younger – people come to you for advice on just about everything: relationships, friendships, work, family. You are wise beyond your years.
5. You usually are in bed by 10 p.m. the latest.
My friends always get mad at me when they text me at 12:30 a.m. and I don’t answer, thinking I’m ignoring them – but, in reality, I’m dead asleep. I can’t stay up watching TV shows on Netflix until 3 a.m., it’s just not in the cards for this old broad.