There are some reasons that people have trust issues. Some don’t want to divulge into a relationship because they have this undying fear of getting f*cked over by someone they love. Others just don’t trust anyone at all – and, it’s because of those stories where other people get completely screwed over that some of us question anything and everything about love. Seriously – it’s hard to think that someone has “only good intentions” and promises to love us forever when we’ve heard so many awful stories of cheating, lying and deceit.
One Reddit user, javaholic, found out that her boyfriend of five months went to Palestine for his brother’s wedding and came back engaged – to his cousin. While it sounds pretty f*cked up to be engaged to your cousin (it’s a cultural thing, don’t judge people) – the most screwed up part of this story is that her boyfriend continuously lied about what was going on.
She posted:
“My boyfriend of five months went to Palestine for his brothers wedding…little did I know he got engaged to his cousin there. During his month long trip our commutation was cut which he blamed on the Israeli government (claiming that he was in jail for over a week). Once he finally got in contact with me and told me this wild bizarre story which I wanted to believe but couldn’t….I started to dig. I decided to make a fake Facebook account once he told he deleted his because he was so traumatized and whatnot. I look him up and BAM there he is with a new Facebook that has fiancé linked to it. I confront him immediately. He tells me I’m overreacting and this is all a big joke between him and his friends. From that I’m gathering that he planned on keeping me around for maybe a year or so until he had to go back to marry his cousin. He underestimated my crazy, I already creeped her Facebook book and got his real home address (which he lied about). I play along for a day or two, he says he can’t come hangout with me because he’s got these terrible migraines. Long story short, I catch him off guard. I simply text him, “Maybe it’s the stress from your engagement that is causing these migraines. (his address) right? I’m on my way baby.” He freaks out! Calling me, texting me…lol now I’m getting quick replies. I finally answer, laughing telling him that it’s okay and he clearly has to do whatever he has to do by marrying his cousin and that I just would appreciate if he would’ve just owned up to it like a real man. He calls himself breaking it off though it was clearly over days ago. I don’t blame the culture, I blame the asshole for trying to use me. I know I can’t be the only woman this has happened to and definitely not the last. Stay strong ladies!”
We spoke with Nicki Nichols – the girl behind the Reddit account and a PizzaBottle reader and follower – to discuss just what had happened between her and her ex-boyfriend and, get some insight for other women who may have gone through/are going through similar situations in their lives and relationships.
How did this all begin?
Brief background story: in the beginning, he was more than perfect, he was everything a man should be; polite, caring, always there when I needed him – even when my mother was ill. No matter what he was there, promising me the world if I wanted it. We talked about possible marriage, children – he totally sold it to me. My friends and family loved him. It all began when he left for Palestine.
What was the first sign that your boyfriend was doing something shady/sketchy?
While he was away he promised to keep in touch through social media. He did the first week. Then all of a sudden our communication was cut. He blocked me on social media. I instantly reached out and asked why was I blocked (we were still able to text). He made up a dumb excuse. I let it go for another week then I grew suspicious when I couldn’t even get ahold of him through text. That’s when I made a second Facebook account to get ahold of him. Once I finally did he blamed the Israeli government, claiming he was beaten in prison overseas and promised that he was coming home soon. I still didn’t buy it completely. He’s finally back in the states and I can tell he’s avoiding me so I continue to dig and that when I saw the new Facebook profile with the engagement.
How did you feel when you saw the engaged status on his Facebook page?
I was at work when I discovered the page. My heart sank. I continued to work for a few minutes, shaking until I went outside to grab some air and it hit me…HARD. I was crying, devastated. Called my BFF and she was the first to know.
Did you talk to any of his friends/family about it?
He kept me away from his family and friends. There was always something coming up as to why I couldn’t meet them…mainly his family. I ignored it because I was in love with this man. He insisted that he would never betray me the way he had been in the past, I believed every word.
How did he react when you told him that you knew everything between you two was a lie?
When I confronted him he told me I was over reacting and that the page I found was a joke between him and his friends. I played along for a couple of days until that Saturday I knew he’d flake for my friends party that he promised to attend then I’d finally see him…he came up with this migraine excuse that he had been using for days to avoid me. That’s when through text I flipped the script and had him SHOOK! I had gotten ahold of his address through some connections I had. As you saw in the Reddit post I gave him his own address saying that I was on my way and that possibly the stress from his engagement was causing the migraines. He called me nonstop and texted me. I finally answer laughing at him and congratulating him. Still he didn’t own up to it. Said I was over reacting and that it was time to break it off…yeah no shit Sherlock!
How has it been after finding out the truth behind your relationship?
At first I was really hurt and upset about it all. The man that was promising me the world lied to me cold blooded. I was a mess. How can someone do that to someone else. If marrying his cousin is what he had to do for cultural reasons, fine. Don’t drag me along like that, you just don’t do that. He never respect me.
Any advice you would want to give other women who are going through similar situations?
I’ve said this many times, I don’t blame the Muslim culture…I blame him for trying to use me. Women of all backgrounds are so valuable and if you’re in this situation don’t let it get you down. YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH. Time heals all wounds, but by all means educate one another. We are all strong women.
If you have any slight instinct that your significant other is being shady by all means investigate! Don’t let anyone underestimate you by any means.